


Julia Child's Euphemisms For Death

by ukulele_villian



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a lot of unresolved tension and denial at the start, angsty taako backstory stuff, eventual angst, eventual angsty kravitz backstory, not slow burn but not a microwave meal, other characters will either appear or be mentioned a lot by name, taakitz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-20 07:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11916423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukulele_villian/pseuds/ukulele_villian
Summary: “The elf was beautiful, as most elves were. He was also unhinged, deceiving, and wholly unpredictable. The little bastard had a knack for playing the fool who could swing the universal game board around when his opponent wasn’t watching.Kravitz had seen these stories so many times. Necromancers, adventurers and mortals were all reading from the same book. Except for Taako and his friends, Kravitz wasn’t even sure they could read…..”A series of events between Kravitz and Taako that occurred before Wonderland.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a multi-chaptered fic that follows Kravitz as he falls for Taako. The update schedule is probably going to be more inconsistent than the air time for the Bunnicula cartoon (yeah that was a thing), but luckily each of these chapters will be near stand alone windows into the world of The Adventure Zone, so no cliffhangers.

Ripping a phantasmal hole into their plane of existence was expectedly simple. Getting into their dorm room was surprisingly difficult. 

Kravitz rubbed his face and fiddled with the keypad again. If he could avoid ripping another hole in the fabric of space, he would. His powers were nearly unvanquishable, but his patience was thin.  
The Raven Queen was more than just a deity; she was a force of nature and order. Kravitz by association was part of that undeniable law. Yet, even with all his unlimited power he was being thwarted by a keypad that was created by a necromancer with a robot and elevator fetish.

He attempted a combo that included the last two digits of each of Merel, Magnus, and Taako’s birthyear; the last four digits of Merle’s fantasy social security number; and then finally he just punched in the date of the Bureau of Balance’s founding. It all failed. 

“I am a trio of idiots who die a lot. What is my pass code ?” 

Kravitz finally settled upon desperation and punched in 1,2,3,4,5. The door swooshed open and the Grim Reaper fell into the hovel.

Kravitz prayed to the Raven Queen to give him a semblance of strength in the face of utter stupidity. The house looked fairly nice considering who lived there. The room was nicely circular and had an armchair facing the door. The dorm was odd in that it had a staircase that lead to a raised catwalk. The cat walk encircled the dorm room and created a raised second story where three doors stood in equal distance apart. The apartment resembled a fancy modern igloo with touches of magical cozy items that clashed and defied the moon-base’s typical sleek aesthetic. 

Kravitz then realized the very real possibility that only one of the three goons could arrive home. The delight in having it be Merel, the dwarf’s continued breaths of life among the fairly lived was a personal spit in the eye. Kravitz’s qualms with Magnus were less personal in comparison to Merle’s, but the idea of spending a little celestial energy to appear right next to the fool and get a scream from him was appealing.

Magnus and Taako were at least six feet tall. They both were an intimidating enough height for most mortals, but compared to Kravitz’s eight feet of height they were minuscule. They hadn’t feared him when they faced off in Lucas’s lab, a fact that chafed at Kravitz even after their settled agreement.

Kravitz took a seat in a armchair across the room in front of the dorm’s entrance. He shut the lights off and waited. Something made these three hooligans special. Kravitz needed to be feared and respected by them if he was to control and contain them. It did not matter how many gods and celestial entities became their patrons; death is law. When one of them would inevitably enter, Kravitz would be positioned perfectly with the upper hand. 

The quiet of their dorm rang in his ears while he tapped his foot. 

“I’m being foolish….” No one was there to hear him talk to himself. 

Kravitz reached for the lamp beside the armchair, but stopped when he heard signs of movement outside the door. He pulled his arm back and crossed his legs. He couldn’t understand why he was vibrating his foot in eager anticipation, he just brushed the thought from his mind. 

Out of the three it was the one Kravitz hadn’t planned for, the beautiful elf. The one that didn’t have a last name and had been responsible for summoning Edgar’s black tentacles during their first fight, Taako.

“We need to talk.You boys added quite a tally to your death count.” Kravitz crossed his legs again and leaned back in the armchair. He planned to rectify their lack of fear with cold calculation.

Taako visibly swiped his tongue around the inside of his mouth and looked around the room before settling his focus back onto Kravitz. 

"That ones on me." Taako didn't miss a beat. Kravitz could tell the elf was exhausted, but the rapid movement of his eyes told Kravitz he was also calculating.

“Uh,” Taako’s nose scrunched up and his head tilted. He was looking at Kravitz’s legs.

“Your quaint little home was pretty open and unprotected.” Kravitz let his accent flow and tried not to fidget too much. Usually this was the part where a bounty would either beg for mercy or start firing spells at him. Taako was instead just looking down at his feet.

“Can you take off your shoes ?” 

“What- I- Excuse me ?” Kravitz leaned forward to hear what he was sure was supposed to be pleas for more time.

“Your shoes,” Taako gestured to his feet. “This is a shoes off household, my dude. Merle keeps this place spotless.”

“Well, uh-” Kravitz had lost the ability to become intoxicated long ago. He couldn’t remember what it exactly felt like, but this conversation seemed like a good substitute for the experience.

“Oh, did a witch curse you with really smelly feet ?” 

“Taako,” Kravitz resisted the urge to grab for his temples. Showmanship hadn’t worked, jumping ship to plan ‘B’ was the next step. Being frank and demanding would break through the fog that clouded Taako and his friend’s minds. “I need to know what happened to you and your compatriots in Refuge.”

“I know how you feel,” Taako twirled his umbrella around and began to twist at the handle. “This witch cursed me once so that everything I ate tasted like key lime gogurt. I fixed that shit up though, so no worries really. There’s gotta be a cure for whatever basket ball feet you have. “

Kravitz rose from the chair and interlaced both his arms behind his back. The elf wasn’t short by common standards, but compared to Kravitz he was puny. Kravitz enjoyed the shadow that his eight foot form cast over Taako.

“I’ve been in this,” Kravitz circled Taako “....’industry’ for longer than your mind can grasp.” Kravitz grinded his jaw and began to pace forward to Taako. “You’re deflections will do you no- Hey !”

Taako walked away from him and started towards the kitchenette in the side of the dormitory. He was reaching for a shelf and getting some mugs out. Kravitz dug his nails into his palms as he watched the blissfully ignorant elf ignore him. 

“ Taako ! Taako ! I swear to the very magic that binds me to my bones and your soul to your body !” He ran after the fool and grabbed the elf by the shoulders and spun him around. He could physically shake sense into him if necessary. 

“I’m serious Taako. This is not a game. Admittedly, I love games, but if you and the others are to continue breaking The Raven Queen’s rules then I deserve an explanation.”

Taako looked up at him and just smirked. His dumb mocking smile sent Kravitz’s hands stiff.

Holding Taako this close suddenly felt wrong. He became acutely aware of how warm Taako was. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt someone warm. 

“Chill you’re roll, Hades.” Taako raised his hands and shrugged. He was holding two mugs at his fingertips precariously letting them swing back and forth. 

“I just thought that if you wanted to talk about Refuge then you’d want some tea. This is a long ass story you’re asking for.” Taako’s smile was wide. A Cheshire grin on Taako’s face looked like it belonged there permanently. The quirk of Taako’s eyebrow and the elf’s odd manner of biting his lip sealed the deal.  
Kravitz had seen Taako transform a bomb into an edible object. He had seen Taako and his friends stop a legion of the undead. Taako had beaten him in a card game that Kravitz had played and practiced even before his time as a reaper. Despite it all, Kravitz better judgement begged him to play along. The clench in his gut compelled him to give this freak of nature the time of day. 

“Oh, that’s very considerate of you.” Kravitz flawlessly responded and then let go of Taako and moved away. He bumped up against the counter in the kitchenette and became even more acutely aware of how close they were to each other. 

“Your ceiling is low in here.” Kravitz ducked to avoid the light fixture.

“Nah, you’re just really tall.” 

“Well, you got me there.” Kravitz leaned against the counter. It was a small comfort that he was in a position where if Taako tried to bolt, Kravitz could apprehended him. 

“You like oolong ?” Taako opened up a cabinet filled with tea bags and coffee filters spilling out of opened packages. Their cabinet was reminiscent of a tea caravan that had exploded. 

“Sure,” He felt the kitchenette seemingly shrinking. Kravitz couldn’t remember the last time he had been in a kitchen. He watched Taako fill up a kettle and began getting out two metal pods to go with the mugs. 

“This is really unnecessary. You don’t have to…..” The heat of the stove could be felt from where Kravitz was leaning. “You know I don’t actually get tired.”

Taako flopped and waved his hand back and forth. “This story is so boring that we’re gonna need caffeine. Also, I got some sweet games we could play. Have you ever wagered someone’s soul on a round of Fantasy Mario Kart ?” The elf was still making two cups.

A chuckle erupted from Kravitz. Taako turned away from the stove and quirked an eyebrow at him again. If Kravitz had a heart then maybe it would have begun pounding. Instantly he cleared his throat and let out a cough to try and get rid of the bubbling laughter.

“No, cases like you three are very rare. The fact that I even gave you a chance to play a card game against me is exceptional. If you had asked to play Fantasy Mario Kart then I can assure you that your souls would be mine.”  
Kravitz crossed his arms over his chest and searched for a way to maintain the air of aloofness he had before the laughter and before this strange kitchen scenario.

“Cocky much, Skeletor.” Taako had turned back to the stove, but Kravitz heard the heightened pitch in his voice and and could smell tea heating up. 

“In comparison to you I’m humbler than a saint.” Kravitz crossed one leg over the other and leaned further back against the counter. His nonchalance fading in the wake of Taako’s ego. For once, Kravitz did not mind. He was fascinated to see where the Elf would go with it all.

Taako’s hands became more deft and articulated as he moved tea bags around and threw herbs into the air with levitations. He was peacocking, but Kravitz wasn't sure for who. The utensils floated around Taako. He was the sun and each tool was a planet in orbit.  
Of course you didn’t need a spaghetti strainer for tea, but among the dozens of spoons and other kitchen assortments that had willed themselves to life it looked like it belonged. 

“Well,” Taako strung out the e in ‘well’ to an obnoxious amount and then threw the mugs into the air. They floated and drifted in the kitchen steamy air like falling leaves. Not a moment too soon and Taako caught them all elegantly with a tray. “Let's get to talking !” He was now nearly bouncing when they both exited the kitchenette. Kravitz trailed behind, but stopped before they got to the living room. 

“You do know that if your answer isn’t satisfactory I’ll have to reap your souls, plus the souls of the town of Refuge ?” Taako was just like the other necromancers. He was showy and over-confident in his abilities. The stab in Kravitz’s gut warned him that this was more, though. In the kitchnette their banter had proved that Taako was far better a manipulator than a half baked wizard. Kravitz needed to remind him of what he was really here for. He wasn’t Taako’s friend. 

Taako turned back to him, and gave Kravitz a look that stopped him cold. The elf seemed suddenly wilted. The conversation that had bolstered him in the kitchenette was gone.

“You do know this is business, right ?” Kravitz asserted. He wasn’t going to be swayed. 

Kravitz then immediately felt the tendrils of his beloved employer, mentor, and queen call to him. The air became cool and a whisper rung about in typical fashion with a wailing echo.

“Ooh. Spooky,” Taako put the tray on the coffee table and waggled his fingers. “I get it, dude. I wasted your time and now you gotta pull out the big guns. You think Taako tuesday tried to get your guard down. Jokes on you though, I actually need caffeine and sleep and also that home performance is gonna cost you a commission fee of-”

“Oh- wait. No, no. I didn’t add that effect to intimidate you I’m just getting a call from the Raven Queen. I need to leave…” Why was it that everytime he tried to be frightening in front of these bozos the world stopped him ?

“Wait ! You’re leaving already !? What about the tea ? And stealing my soul ? You already tracked mud all over my house ! Merle is gonna ring me !” A whine entered Taako’s voice.

“I don’t steal souls. They technically belong to the Raven Queen-” Another, more insistent, echo called from the Astral Plane. This one made both him and Taako flinch.  
He needed to go before his goddess became irritated. He ripped a phantasmal hole in the fabric binding the room’s planar existence together.

“Wait ! I could give you a to-go cup.” Taako was now giving him another of his trademark smirks. Half of Kravitz body was already through the portal. His Torso awkwardly stuck out.

“I’m fine, actually, give me your number.” Kravitz leaned through the portal extending his Stone of Far Speech so Taako could link his and vice versa. 

“Not the best pick up line, still a lot better than that last time….” Taako pulled out his stone at a rate slower than Kravitz thought humanly possible. Kravitz let out an involuntary sigh and grabbed the elf’s wrist. Kravitz grimaced at the warmth and proximity that Taako brought with him.

“Seek me out, or I’ll do it for you.” Kravitz attempted his best authoritative voice. He eased up on the grip of Taako’s wrist and they made eye contact. Kravitz thanked the Raven Queen that he no longer had the ability to blush. He quickly released Taako’s arm and went through the portal. It felt like fleeing

The last thing he heard before he fully transported over was Taako responding, “You got it bone zone !”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place a day or so after the Chug and Squeeze ( I can't believe Justin called it that). I wanted this chapter to be relatively short and overall a good point for a transition into longer chapters. I couldn't ignore what happened at the infamous chug and squeeze, though.

Kravitz stared at the poorly made vase looming on his humble nightstand. The pottery brought his dwelling together in the sense that it filled up the emptiness. Calling his current residency ‘a home’ was being generous, though. Really, it was more like an imitation. There was a shelf of books he enjoyed, a piano, an armchair, a grand window overseeing the eternal stockcade, a nightstand without a bed, and now joining his collection of mortal possessions was a poorly made vase. 

The vase wasn’t the greatest possession he had brought back. The vase was just a reminder of the night he had with Taako. There was so much ease in their encounter, but Kravitz felt the presence of the night lingering around him. The memories and unignorable feelings were tethered by the vase, and therefore anchored to Kravitz. 

Kravitz walked to his window. The worst thing he now owned was the knowledge that he was falling under the spell of Taako. The conversation they had in the most asinine of places had forced him to examine the tugs and various pangs in his chest he felt around Taako. 

Kravitz paced about the room. He needed to mentally sort this out before the weight of his feelings crushed him.

The elf was beautiful, as most elves were. He was also unhinged, deceiving, and wholly unpredictable. The little bastard had a knack for playing the blissful fool who could swing the universal game board around when his opponent wasn’t watching. The scamp had the ability to find a path to victory, and if he couldn’t find it he made it.  
Kravitz had seen these stories so many times. Necromancers, adventurers and mortals were all reading from the same book. Except for Taako and his friends, Kravitz wasn’t even sure they could read.

Taako had also given him the weight of a confession. Against the backdrop of laughter and companionship, there was Taako’s brief lament.

“...I’m afraid no one else will have me.”

Kravitz hadn’t expected him to confess so much so easily. He couldn’t have ever imagined that Taako would be serious, let alone feel something on par with fear. He couldn’t believe that the same person who fought legions of the undead could be afraid of loneliness. 

Thinking about Taako suffering made his jaw grind. The vase, the feelings, the confession. Kravitz needed to confirm it was all real. He mused that maybe this feeling had been laying dormant in him since their encounter in Lucas’s lab. He and Taako had shared brief and small biting flirtations, but that had all been apart of the game that was his job. He couldn’t believe he was falling for this beautiful idiot. 

He paused for a moment looking at his Stone of Far Speech. He wasn’t sure what he would do if Taako rejected him. 

“Taako….” Kravitz planned his words carefully. To Kravitz surprise, the wizardly enigma responded instantaneously. 

“Heyo ! What’s up, spooky skeleton ?” Kravitz reached for the volume button; Taako was beautiful, but voice level was not his strong suit. 

“Are you ever going to drop that gambit ? You’ve seen my true form twice.” Kravitz felt a rush of heat reach his neck. The elf’s magic was digging up Kravitz’s humanity and shoving it back into him. What was he getting himself into ?

“Nope, never happening. I know under that handsome face you’ve got a bag of bones. You’ll never live it down.” 

“Taako, you have bones under your skin too….” Kravitz had to hold back a laugh. He vowed one day the roles would be reversed. He who blushes first loses.

“Wrong ! I’m sending you back to elf biology school. I’m full of mush and cartilage.” Kravitz could hear Taako’s smile over the stone.

“Fine, I guess they’ll just have to revoke my reapers license. “ Kravitz settled so easily into the conversation, but he was letting Taako lead him. He needed to swerve the discussion back on track. 

“Taako, uh-” A long pause followed after. Kravitz needed to word this perfectly. He didn’t like how inarticulate he became, or the feeling of nausea that came with this new territory “I was hoping we could meet again. I would like to spend some more time with you. I think we need to discuss Refuge more.”

“Oh…..” Taako was speechless. 

Kravitz felt his, what he assumed was akin to, heart sinking. How could he have worded it wrong already ?

“I mean,” He needed to fix this fast. “I feel like your way of describing things last night was..interesting. I want to see you again.” 

“One condition, Reaper Man, no accent and no business.” Taako’s seriousness took Kravitz aback. Kravitz had slipped into his accent unknowingly. 

“Well, I do want to hear more about your adventure…..” Kravitz’s palms were now sweating.

“You promise you won’t sell it to the tabloids ?” Taako sounded dead serious.

“No ? Yes ? What ? Why would I sell it to the media ?” 

“Uuuuuuuuh-” Taako murmured over the phone for a moment. “No reason, no reason. Just know if you do I’m taking you to court !” 

“Of course you will.” Kravitz didn’t even try to stop the stupid grin that crept on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Kravitz arrived in Neverwinter for the ‘date’. He was still having a hard time consolidating it in his mind. Taako had invited him once again to a very public venue. Kravitz had hoped that at this hour of the night the citizens would have dispersed to their homes, but he was having no such luck. 

The bustling hub of the city made Kravitz fidget wherever he walked. He uncomfortably brushed up against a stranger twice and received mortified looks from people who came into contact with his icy complexion.  
He never came to cities unless he was sneaking into a music event in Goldcliff. His business of liches and necromancers rarely came to bustling metropolitans. The havoc wrought by the dark arcane stereo-typically lived in forests and caves on the edges of society. 

There were so many living people in one confined space. Their lives all swirled together into a pool of other-worldliness. It didn’t help that as he moved through the crowd, people kept staring at him. He was tall, but by the Raven Queen’s grace, surely these people had seen Orcs before. Kravitz had to be a tad shorter than one of them.  
It was more than that though, the mortals around him could feel the wrongness of his presence. Had the same thing occurred in the pottery class ? Kravitz couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed. 

Kravitz suddenly knocked into what he assumed was a random fence post. “I leave this world for a moment and the infrastructure goes to-” 

Kravitz was shocked to see a small half-ling child looking up at him. 

“Pardon me. Really though, you should watch where you’re going…” Kravitz was acutely aware of how large a shadow he cast in the moonlight.

The child’s eyes went wide and she suddenly began to back away. Kravitz sighed, mortal children were too keen. He had encountered a few on missions and they always knew him instantly.  
Children had the wonderful skill of reminding Kravitz that he was supposed to be their cautionary tale; he was their nightmares. Death was a concept too abstract till Kravitz appeared to give it a face and name. 

“Hey ! Bone Zone !” A shrill, annoying, but oddly comforting and familiar voice broke through the crowd of people. Kravitz turned away from the child to see Taako holding a couple of burlap sacks. “Is someone harassing the rugrats of Neverwinter ?” 

“Oh ? No ! I mean, I bumped into her but she’s fine. See-” Kravitz turned and only saw a dust shaped cloud where the half-ling girl had been. 

“Good job, you scared her straight. Now she can go live a productive life.” Taako took the opportunity to lace his arm through Kravitz’s. Kravitz nearly jumped out of his form. 

“Y-You’re not worried about me being cold ?” Kravitz couldn’t believe this display of public affection. People were starting to stare at the tall man with his colorfully dressed elf friend. Taako unabashedly laid his head against Kravitz’s arm. 

“Nothing to see here folks,” Kravitz used his cockney accent and enhanced it with a calming spell. “Just carry on with your usual night.” A glazed look finally came over a large portion of the on lookers. 

“That was so funny.” Taako leaned closer in and tugged on Kravitz’s trembling arm. “They couldn’t believe that we decided to grace their sorry backwater city with our presence. We’re like celebrities !” Taako was completely oblivious to the reactions of the Neverwinter subjects.

“Taako…..They were starring at us because I frighten them.” 

“Wow, and here I thought you were gonna be the smart one in this relationship.” Taako began to lead him down the street.

“You didn’t see the terror in their eyes ?” 

“You mean the way they were checking us out ?” Taako persisted.

“You- I-” Kravitz had made a promise to himself that he would no longer lose his composure around Taako. It had taken him less than five minutes to obliterate that promise.

“Also, no more weird accent. If you do an accent it’s gotta be something else.” 

“I can do sound effects ?” Kravitz blushed. He was infinitely powerful, but Taako made him feel safe. The only other person who had ever made him feel this way was the Raven Queen. He didn’t need protection, but the idea of someone actually fighting for him, instead of against him, made Kravitz feel giddy.

“Okay, I want a bowling ball falling on top of a pile of rubber chickens. Wait-wait, can you do the Tie-Fighter sound effect ? ” Taako guided him down another elaborate street. A group of people outside a cafe stared as they passed. Kravitz chuckled at the mortified looks the cafe goers shared when Taako blew them kisses. 

“What can I say ?” Taako beamed and waved as they passed more people. “I think everyone in this city is suffering from envy.” 

They finally arrived at a defunct fountain in a square surrounded by quiet abandoned apartments. The fountain seemed to have been reclaimed by the natural order of nature. Vines and magnolia’s sprouted from cracks in the marble. Some crows flew around and pecked at the moss in the cobblestone. 

“Now I know what you’re thinking;” Taako unraveled himself from Kravitz and jumped ahead to begin his sales pitch. “This place looks like a dump, really though, it’s actually pretty sweet when you take the time to appreciate the fountain and all the stuff around. Also, if we get bored we can destroy shit if you’re into that.” 

“No, I just….Taako thank you.” Kravitz was so thankful to be away from all the people. “Taako, I don’t spend a lot of time out...When I do I’m mostly sneaking into places.”

“Hey, as long as you’re okay with the fact that Merle and Magnus helped me find this spot, then I’m okay with it.” Taako sat on the edge of the fountain and patted a seat next to him. “I also got us some fruit to chow down on. I’m huge into pomegranates lately.”

Taako handed him half of the pomegranate and sat the rest of his groceries besides them. The dark red and pink of the fruit was staining Taako’s fingers and mouth. Kravitz couldn’t help but stare.

“So you wanna talk Refuge ?” Taako fished for another pomegranate from his bag and began devouring his second portion. 

“I actually do, we never discussed what happened. I want to know personally what occurred, off the record, if you will.” Kravitz watched Taako wolf down his serving like he hadn’t eaten in years. Kravitz slowly nibbled at his fruit. 

“Uh, hm, well- let's see.” Taako stopped shoving his face with pomegranate seeds and began drumming his fingers under his chin. “There was a worm, a magic cup, an old lady older than God, another old lady who was God, root beer barrels, my number one fan, and Magnus is having to restart his stolen arm collection."

“And that’s all she wrote !” Taako threw his hands into the air and plucked a flower growing in the cracks of the fountain’s marble.

“You created about thirty more questions for me….” Kravitz bit his lip. Taako’s bubbling humor was infectious. 

“I told you it was going to be boring,” Taako started to scoot closer to Kravitz while he fiddled with what seemed like a magnolia. Kravitz couldn’t help but stare at the red stains all over Taako’s hands and lips and the striking white of the flower. “I’m bored talking about it. I want to know about the places you sneak into when you’re not dancing the ghost shuffle.”

“I can’t believe you were paying attention,” Kravitz rubbed his hand behind his neck and shrugged. “I mainly spend my free times in the opera houses and a few concerto halls I can find. Libraries are nice, too.”

“I can’t believe it. I’m dating the phantom of the opera.”

“Well I don’t kidnap people or wear a mask, so I think the comparisons end with liking the opera. Plus, I’m sure the Phantom wasn’t even dead.” 

Taako had been inching himself closer and closer to Kravitz. “You’re a nerdy death dude. Potato or Tomato-- I don’t see much difference” 

“And you’re dramatic and homicidal, I think you and Erik have more in common.” Kravitz couldn’t stop himself from teasing back.

“Whose Erik ?” Taako narrowed his eyes.

Kravitz finally let the laughter he was hiding come out. Taako narrowed his eyes more, but his smile and the way he stuck his tongue out assured Kravitz it was all in jest. As Kravitz was laughing Taako took the opportunity to sit up on his knees and stick the flower he had plucked into Kravitz’s hair. 

Kravitz froze, the gesture had been so quick and natural that he hadn’t had time to prepare his nerves. Taako was in mid movement still when Kravitz went silent. Taako slowly sat down and half-heartedly shrugged.

“I uh, thought it would look nice. Sorry, didn’t mean to make a sappy move like that.” Taako twisted the handle of his umbrella and wouldn’t look at Kravitz. “I guess I gotta learn that touch kinda isn’t your jam.”

Kravitz shook his head and shakily lifted his hand and as gently as he could muster, he cupped Taako’s face and guided his eyes back to Kravitz’s own.  
Kravitz was sure that his bold move would cause Taako to bolt, but like so many of his other assumptions about the strange wizard, he was wrong. Taako put his own hand up to cover Kravitz’s and for a beat they just stared at each other while the wind whistled through chimes from someone’s cottage.

Kravitz rubbed his thumb across Taako’s lips and felt the rush of heat in his face. His ice cold touch and the rapidly rising blush in Taako were what finally made him pull back. 

Taako adjusted his hat.  
“...That was...That was pretty great.” For the first time Kravitz could swear his smirk was born out of nervousness. 

Kravitz felt his own confidence return and couldn’t let the opportunity pass him by.  
“You had some pomegranate on your face….” 

Taako whacked him in the chest with his umbrella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Merle are such clueless nerds that they helped Taako find the fountain inadvertently.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a long chapter for you guys.

Holding a grudge against Merle Highchurch had been a horrible mistake. Kravitz attempted to pluck another magnolia, but the flower disintegrated instantly in his palms, leaving behind a residue that burned him. Twelve piles of ash that had once been beautiful flowers sat around Kravitz’s feet. 

He used to be able to keep them alive; as long as he didn’t bring elements of nature to the Astral Plane they were safe and he could still pretend he understood them. Living people could enter the astral plane, but the deity Pan drew the line with animals and plants. 

Kravitz scooped up the ashes and buried them. He sat under the tree and pulled his knees to his chest and let out the longest sigh he could. The necromancer he had been hunting put up a decent fight that had lead them both to The Felicity Wilds. The poor sap hadn’t even fallen under Kravitz’s scythe; dehydration had been the culprit. Kravitz destroyed the body and had opened a rift to exit through, but he stopped when he caught sight of a trio of magnolia trees. He had instantly recognized the flowers and wanted to bring some to Taako. 

Kravitz reached for another bloom, this time it disintegrated before he could even touch it.

Early on as a reaper Kravitz had attempted to bring a flower to his home. It had been after one of his first necromancer hunts. What had doomed the tiefling woman was a misfired spell, all her cunning and power unable to save her against miscalculated magic.  
It was when she began to beg that Kravitz had hesitated. He had foolishly reached his hand toward her, promising that if she just came with him peacefully she wouldn’t have to be kept in the stockade.  
Lana was the necromancer’s name. He remembered because she had screamed it at him. She had shot a fireball and his face had melted to reveal his cursed bones. Her sobbing rung in his ears after the affair.  
Kravitz had felt impossibly young in those early days. When the deed was done he had fallen to his knees and only looked up when a bush of carnations caught his eye. He had so delicately removed the flower from the bush and had eagerly brought it home. He planned to give it water and find a vase he would enjoy.

It died the second Kravitz brought it through, wilting pathetically and horrifically losing all of it’s color. He had been so naive and sensitive he had wept. Kravitz had called to the Raven Queen in his lament. She had chuckled while she held him under her wing. 

“We can create things for you here,” The Raven Queen was not just his employer, she had saved him and awoken true power and strength in his death. “You are not limited to the castle or the stockade. This world is your own now and you rule it as my acolyte.” 

The flower incident had been a foundation that Kravitz had built his continued existence upon. He never attempted to use illusory magic to fabricate a farce of the material plane. The incident with the necromancer and the carnation had given him an emotional anchor. Beauty existed equally in life and death to Kravitz, but never in both. Flowers were not for him.

Yet, somehow, the magnolia that Taako gifted to him refused to die. Kravitz hadn’t reached for it; the fear of killing it was too great. He hadn’t even realized it was still there till he caught a glimpse of his reflection in a stream. 

Kravitz pulled up clumps of grass from where he sat under the tree. He loathed that the magnolia’s rejected him, he had wanted them as a guise to see Taako. He had no reason to visit besides his own loneliness and weariness; the feelings further making him feel sick. He had kept himself so focused on bounties and balance that he had never dwelt on the experience’s that death had robbed him of. Worse, for a fleeting moment the empathy he shared with the spirits of the astral plane reared its ugly head. 

“Oh, fuck it.” Kravitz mumbled to the wind and then sliced open a portal to the Bureau of Balance’s base. He was emotionally damned and he didn’t care; Taako gave him something to live for. The irony of that thought wasn’t lost on him. 

Kravitz doesn’t waste the time or energy trying to work their key-pad; his portal headed right for their living room and completely ignored the potential that Magnus or Merle could see him.  
He’s thankful their dorm is silent and dark except for the kitchenette. Kravitz sees Taako surrounded by ten bowls and hundreds of kitchen condiments. The bottles and vials that couldn’t fit on the counter are levitating around Taako in a similar fashion to the night where he made tea for them. Kravitz pauses and realizes how whimsical and otherworldly Taako looks when he’s in a focused state. There are splotches of food and wisps of Taako’s hair that bounce out from under his large witches hat; Kravitz loves how synced and chaotic it all is.

“Knock knock.” Kravitz lightly taped the archway entrance. 

Taako responds appropriately with throwing a bowl in the air. 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit-” Taako’s levitation breaks and fifteen vials descend to the floor. 

Kravitz darts forward attempting to catch a ladle. The planetary orbit of kitchen ware rains down around them. They are suddenly both on their hands and knees attempting to pick up the disaster of goods. Taako giggles manically as they both scramble around like fools.

“Nice sneak, you almost got me-” Taako turns and whips his head into Kravitz’s face. 

“Ah, sweet gods, Taako.” Kravitz holds his nose and laughs. 

Kravitz opens his eyes to see Taako has a bright red spot on his forehead and a little blood dripping from his long nose. Taako is still smiling like an oaf but his eyes have the faint glisten of tears. Kravitz bites his lip and scoots away from him.

“I- I’m so sorry. This was far more elaborate in my head.” Kravitz instinctively touches his hair and neck, and before he can stop himself, the magnolia in his hair turns to ash. Kravitz feels his face turn red. He so desperately tries not to think about how unjust it is that his skin is ice cold, yet somehow he can still blush. 

“Everything okay in there ?” Kravitz freezes when he recognizes Magnus’s voice from the other room. 

Taako leaps over onto Kravitz and cover’s Kravitz’s mouth. “Yeah ! Everything is fine. Go back to bed, Burnsides !” Kravitz is frozen as Taako protectively curls around him.

“....Are you sure ?” Kravitz can hear Magnus starting to stir from his room.

“Yes ! Go the fuck to sleep !” Taako is holding onto Kravitz so tightly that all he can do is lean back against the cabinets on the floor. Taako is wrapped around Kravitz’s sitting form; he can smell the sickly sweet perfume Taako is wearing. Taako's other hand is wrapped around him to keep him from leaning painfully into the cabinet's handle.

“Why are we yelling !?” Merle’s voice joins the argument and Kravitz’s groan is thankfully muffled by Taako’s palm.

“That’s it !” Taako is looking around the kitchen. Kravitz can see the gears turning in his head; how Taako isn’t freezing by now is a miracle. “Everyone is cut off from pancake privileges !” 

“Taako what the hell !? I’m coming in there now; we can talk this out !” Magnus crashes into an unseen object and lets out a string of audible curses. Kravitz looks up to the ceiling and prays that somehow a rogue ice cream truck will crash into the dorm and kill them all before he has to endure the embarrassment of letting Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides see him being straddled by their best friend. 

“Come in this kitchen and you suckers can starve ! Go to sleep and it will be a temporary probation.The choice is your’s, assholes.” Taako winks to Kravitz like he's just pulled the greatest trump card of all time. 

There is a long pause and finally Merle responds.

“I cast Zone of Tru-” 

“Merle don’t ruin this for us !” Magnus crashes into another furniture piece. If Kravitz weren't sequestered against a cabinet he would be loving this whole experience. 

“Everyone go to bed !” Taako is still yelling, but now he looks triumphant. 

There are about five variations of ‘fine’ and ‘you crazy insomniac’ thrown Taako’s way, but he and Kravitz just sigh in relief. 

“Yeah….uh, I didn’t tell them about us.” Taako’s hand comes away from Kravitz’s face and rests on his chest instead.

“That’s fine. I actually don’t think I’m ready to tell your compatriots either. I’m not sure how they would handle it. Hopefully better than the ‘pancake privilege’ thing.” 

“Those chuckle-fucks would be lost without me. I started cooking for them and now they’re like two ugly ducks following a goddamn eagle.” Taako doesn’t get up from Kravitz’s lap.

“You three really have a, uh- odd rapport.” Kravitz fidgets a little. His legs reach the other side of the kitchenette and he’s once again thankful that Magnus and Merle didn’t discover their friend wrapped around an eight foot Grim Reaper. 

“Yeah, those barnacles have negative twelve charm and charisma, they needed me to balance em out.” Taako’s ears wiggle and they effectively make Kravitz quietly chuckle. 

Kravitz took out a handkerchief from his suit and wiped away the bit of blood leaking from Taako’s nose. Taako sticks out his tongue and Kravitz knows that he is effectively lost his footing; the professional and spiritual distance he put between him and all living things is gone. 

“Jeez, fancy-shamancy. This even has your initials on it,” Taako examines the handkerchief and then pockets it. “Whats the two ‘F’s stand for ?”

“Kravitz Franz Ferdinand,”

“Holy shit, I’m never going to get over this.” Taako’s bewildered look assures Kravitz that this won’t be the last time he'll hear about it.

“I hope I didn’t lessen some of your natural charisma with our unfortunate bump.” Kravitz moves slowly and takes off Taako’s hat. The elf doesn’t seem to mind.

Taako takes the invitation and rests his head on Kravitz’s chest. “Why didn’t you just call me or beep me if you wanted to reach me ? You scared the shit out of me.” Taako whispering is odd to hear. Kravitz had assumed that Taako had one singular volume.

“I don’t know. Long day, stupid necromancer, dumb plants and Pan’s shitty rules. Take your pick.” Kravitz weaves his hand through Taako’s hair. Taako lets out a happy sigh and practically nuzzles Kravitz.

“Yeah, I can’t believe you kept my flower in your hair. What was up with the magic disappearing ash act ?” 

“Pan has tightened up the rules of what I can and cannot interact with in his domain. I think the loss of Merle’s arm has made me enemy number one to plants.”

“Well that sucks. Flowers suck anyway. Nature sucks. Let’s go demolish that crappy fountain.” Taako’s breathing has become rhythmic. His eyes have also become half-lidded. 

“Is someone tired ?” Kravitz rubs Taako’s back and watches him completely begin to go limp in his arms. 

“I’m ready to party till it’s 1999.” Taako fiddles with the buttons along Kravitz’s shirt. His eyes are now closed as he talks. “Yeah, it was a shitty day here too. Director sent us on a false lead.”

“No relic ?”

“No, just a dumb horse cult. Someone called me a powerful thaumaturge--really pretentious.” 

“But….you are a powerful thaumaturge.” Kravitz rubs circles in his back. “You’re powerful enough that you’re not worried about being cradled by death….”

“Ugh, not you too.” Taako lightly nudges Kravitz.

“I’m serious !” Kravitz leans his face into Taako’s hair. His hair smells like lavenders and hundreds of soap sprays at once. It’s almost over powering and toxic, but it’s oddly Taako. “The way you use magic, especially in the kitchen. You remind me of how I used to compose music…..”

Taako is silent. Kravitz is sure he’s fallen asleep, but the elf suddenly looks up at him. 

“I think I’m down for the count, my man. You don’t mind helping me up do ya ?” Taako’s swift change of subject leaves a strange taste in Kravitz’s mouth, but he knows not to push. He’s learning that the elf has things he’ll share in time. The echo of what he told him at the Chug and Squeeze rings fresh. 

“I didn’t know Elves needed sleep.”

“That’s racist, babe.” 

Kravitz lifts Taako into his arms and stands. Taako yelps and then quickly puts a hand over his mouth. Kravitz loves the blush now coloring Taako’s cheeks. He supports Taako’s legs and back and Taako naturally wraps his arms around his neck. 

“If you tell anyone about this I’ll….” Taako looks around the living room like he expects Magnus to jump out from behind the armchair. 

“Who would I tell ?” Kravitz lightly squeezes Taako to his chest. 

“I don't know !” Taako hisses at him “Slimer and Jacob Marley, or any of your ghoul goons !” 

“The astral plane is not home to those fictional characters.” Kravitz begins to lift him up the stairs to where the circular catwalk and rooms rest.

“I will deny this ever happened till the day I die !” Taako points him to a door with an elaborate umbrella on the front. 

“Subtle much….” 

“Hey, I wasn’t there when they chose the door designs. Magnus put a fucking dog and axe on his out of spite, and Merle got a magical bead curtain. “

Kravitz puts Taako down and they stand at his door. When he takes Taako’s hand and kisses it, the elf's smile beams at him. 

“You wanna hang tomorrow night ?” Taako doesn’t let go of Kravitz.

“Of course.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opera Date ? Hints of the tragic Kravitz backstory promised by the tags ? We'll see. Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and reviews. This has been a very fun piece to write and it makes me happy to see others getting enjoyment from it. This is a brief chapter, but I needed it to introduced some elements and also prep for some other things I want to explore in the up-coming chapters.

“The jumps can be a little much.” Kravitz looks back and forth from Taako to the portal. “If you can’t handle it we’ll just-”

“Excuse me, but who has saved the world like five times ? Yeah, I think I can handle it. As long as this isn’t a goddamn elevator, I’m good.” Taako’s elaborate outfit consists of too many layers and a hat that seems to grow in size every time Kravitz looks away. Taako had revealed himself to be more than willing to avoid danger, but Kravitz had picked up on how his own presence seems to drive Taako to throwing his usual caution to the wind. 

“Yes, but the planar jumps and irregularities are difficult to stomach when you-”

“Yes, yes, I get it. Cannonball me baby !” Taako swung his arm through Kravitz’s and with a miraculous feat of strength, pulled them both through the portal.

When they landed on the catwalk of the Goldcliff Musical Symposium, Taako immediately kneeled over clutching his stomach. 

“You see ? I told you.” Kravitz just laughs and leans down rubbing his Elven friend’s prone form.

“How the hell does Magnus just leap into shit ?” Taako coughs and wheezes and reaches towards Kravitz’s bicep for assistance. 

Kravitz lifts Taako up and leads him to the box seats. He hasn’t seen a show in months and he’s never seen a show with someone else. He feels the jitters rise up in him and immediately begins explaining the premise once they take their seats.

“The man’s wife dies tragically on the day of their wedding. He makes a necromantic deal and immediately begins his quest into the astral plane. There he makes a deal with the Raven Queen.” Kravitz particularly loves this opera, he knew he had to do everything in his power to create a night where he and Taako could see it. “I’m sure you’ll appreciate the magic usage alongside the music.” Kravitz pauses to catch his breath. He can’t afford to ramble and spoil the story for Taako.

“Don’t you get pissed when they present your life wrong ?” Taako strummed the armrest and leaned back in his chair with his feet up. “Like, if they were doing Taako’s ballad and they didn’t include the part where my parents put two diamonds under a cabbage and I sprung to life; I would be pissed. Sue them for libel and defamation.” 

“I find irony in it.” Kravitz watched the conductor and musicians file into the lower. 

“I hope the guy portraying you does a tacky British accent.”   
“Oh bug off,” Kravitz hits Taako with his playbill. “My accent is angelic. Forgive me for not having your New Elffington cadence.”

Taako sticks his feet up on balcony ledge and leans back into his seat. “Do you or do you not deny that someone in this production will be playing the role of you ?” 

“Yes, someone will be playing Anubis. It's metaphorically how some societies see me.” Kravitz tries to swat Taako’s legs off the ledge. Taako levitates the playbill out of his hands and whacks him back.

“So Kravitz Franz Ferdinand adds Anubis to his endlessly long name. How do you feel about your portrayal in Ghost Rider ?” Taako sends the playbill off the ledge with a dramatic flurry. Kravitz has to force himself not to flinch at the casual throwing around of the names associated with older reapers.

“I really hope that doesn’t hit someone.” Kravitz leans into Taako with his air of faux intimidation as he shakes off the fear that comes with hearing old reaper's names. Taako stares straight ahead and taps Kravitz on the nose without missing a beat. Kravitz feels safer knowing that Taako is still ignorant to the world of the Astral Plane.

“Your parents must have been sadistic; mine just gave me one name to keep track of.” Hearing Taako mention family makes Kravitz dizzy. He pulls away for a moment and opts to also starring straight ahead at the stage. 

“Yes, my family had an odd sense of humor.” Kravitz is thankful when the curtain finally rises and the show begins. He sighs in relief when it's apparent that Taako won't bring it up again. A few times when the music reaches an extreme Taako does point at the conductor and whispers, “That’s totally you.” When the actor portraying Anubis arrives for his role, and when he does in fact do an accent, Taako covers his mouth and muffles his howls of laughter.

The show ends they take a stroll through Goldcliff. Taako and him take quieter streets and avoid crowds. For once they don't tease each other. Taako seems content to just lean his head on Kravitz's arm as they stroll.

“Hey, so I know you and flora-fauna aren’t on best terms, but can I show you something ?” Taako pulls on Kravitz’s arm and one of the elaborate pieces of jewelry pinned to his witches hat jangles as Taako eagerly begins to lead Kravitz along. 

“As long as I don’t physically interact with whatever plant it is I’ll be fine.” Taako looks ecstatic and pulls Kravitz’s with the same boundless energy he used to push them both through the rift.

They arrive in what Kravitz assumed was a drainage ditch at one point. It reminds him of the Magnolia tree in Neverwinter, but he can feel the difference as clear as he can feel the magic that ties him to the Raven Queen. The air feels fresh in contrast to the smog of Goldcliff. The breeze is also cool and no bustle of city can be heard. A gigantic cherry blossom tree lets its petals whistle in the wind. 

Taako squeezes Kravitz’s arm. “The show reminded me of this.” 

“The magic it’s giving off is extraordinary,” Kravitz feels an air of reverence for this tree. He desperately wants to push Taako and know how exactly someone of so little apparent care for what’s sacred can know about this magical landmark. He won’t though; he would rather Taako continue to surprise him with new revelations every meeting.

“Check it,” Taako deftly catches a blossom floating their way. “Let's see if I can piss off Pan.” Taako’s ears wiggle and he tenderly latches onto Kravitz’s wrist.

“Taako please, I told you it won’t-” Kravitz refuses to be responsible for bringing harm to this tree. Taako shoves the flower into Kravitz’s palm despite the protests.   
Kravitz flinches on instinct. He chokes when he opens his palm to see the beautiful blossom lightly wrinkled by his fingers, but still alive.

“How- How- I-,” Kravitz looks down at the flower resting in his shaking palms. The laws set by the gods are being flagrantly defied and obliterated before his eyes. Kravitz feels his throat close. He doesn’t stop to begin his emotional breakdown, he instead pulls Taako in and kisses him. The elf is so light that it’s second nature for Kravitz to dip Taako’s head back. 

Kravitz breaks away and looks at a dazed Taako. Taako’s eyes are so wide they’re near owlish and he’s gone a bit stiff.

"You're like kissing a glass of chilled water." Taako then returns the surprise by pulling Kravitz down to his height and giving him another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurley & Sloane: Right in front of our salad !!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no update last week ! I was working on this chapter for a while and overall I think it's one of my longest. Hope you guys enjoy. We're finally getting into Kravitz backstory, more characters, and even a little bit of Taako characterization.

Kravitz assured himself over and over again that kissing Taako had not changed anything. They were the same; he was the same. He blatantly ignored that Taako’s touches and jokes seemed both more frequent and more needy. He refused to accept that he had done anything to change where they were. From there after it was like the elf couldn’t stop touching him. It had been hundreds of years since Kravitz had felt anything on par with giddiness or self consciousness, but here they were, the feelings of his dead self newly arisen.  
Kravitz had washed his hands of the things he believed he couldn’t have. As a reaper there were the actual rules that he was required to follow and then there were the unspoken rules he set for himself. His rules had been obliterated with a frivolous kiss. 

One thing he could accept though, Taako had his own set of unspoken laws. Kravitz tallied each and kept them close.  
He could appreciate the order one prescribed to themselves for survival. Taako did not like being touched at the wrist, a fact Kravitz learned when he had gently reached for him. Taako had instinctively yanked his arm back and clenched his fists. Taako had then nervously adjusted his hat and pointed a dexterous finger at Kravitz. 

“Don’t pull that shit unless you want to lose that hand and be twinning with Merle.”  
Kravitz wasn’t often afraid, but he had been apologetic and confused. He was sure he had touched Taako’s wrist at one point before; there were some mysteries they were too reluctant still to discuss. He was certain that he had grabbed Taako’s wrist before, what made things different now he still didn’t know. 

After their fifth date, much to Kravitz’s surprise, he was invited to see Taako’s room. 

“Just don’t expect me to go full slumber party; that’s Merel’s job. Guy has ten thousand party points, you want me to play Barbie dream house then you’re gonna need to catch me at an earlier hour of the night when I’m a little less drunk.” 

Taako had waved his hand while he talked like he’s swatting flies. He had flopped onto the messy bed and a muffled sigh came from his prone form as he twisted and rolled about.

Kravitz had stood in the middle of Taako’s room dumbstruck. Magical items littered the floor, clothes and hats draped every surface. The room’s odor was strong as well, the perfect combination of incense and heavy perfume assaulted Kravitz senses. It was a disaster of mismatched opulence. 

“I’ve never seen such beautiful junk.” Kravitz moved to examine a cat themed cuckoo clock covered in bedazzles. 

“Yeah ! I’m a bonafide American picker !” The words came out muffled as Taako continued to roll around trying to cocoon himself in his comforter. 

“You’re a tad of a hoarder, Taako…..”

“I’m thrifty and you never know when you’ll need this shit. At least I’m not a weirdo who collects robot arms; my hobbies are healthy and should be encouraged !”

“Tell me when you’ve ever used a crystal ball ?” Kravitz lifted up a sphere of green, frosted glass; it looked like an awful astral communication device.

“For your info, Mr. smarticle particle: that’s a bowling ball. Are you gonna keep critiquing the metropolitan Taako museum or are you gonna come lay down with me ?” Taako had then patted the side of his ‘bed’ in what Kravitz assumed was intended to be an inviting manner. The pillow was torn and a corner of the sheet was coming off his mattress. 

“You baffle me.” Kravitz layed down next to Taako. The elf was now fully swaddled and just mumbled back to him.

“You...stole- You stole all of this didn’t you ?” Kravitz sat next to Taako as he asked what he already knew. 

“Hm, yeah ?” Taako lifted his head and blearily looked at him for a moment and then looked back down. “It was all things that no one needed or wanted anyway. I’m giving it a home. Reduce, reuse, and recycle. ”

Taako’s innocent nearly logical explanation struck him and he couldn’t help thinking about the bowl analogy on their first date. 

“Does that bother you ?” Taako swallowed and began to pick at the seam of his comforter. Kravitz again observed the ‘wilted’ air that would come over Taako.

“It actually doesn’t….” Kravitz shrugged and pulled the sheet back over the mattress. He leaned against the bedframe and sat upright enjoying the space between him and his elf. The found objects and gaudy treasures were a bit off putting, but he was in no position to judge. Kravitz’s occupation was to collect wayward souls, having a friend and romantic interest that loved trinkets was nearly domestic. 

“Good ! Cause if I die then all this stuff is going to Magnus and Merle. I expect you to make sure those barnacles don’t throw away my legacy !” Taako had suddenly perked up again. He had abandoned picking at the seam of his mattress. 

“Why me ?! I help the dead pass on, Taako. I’m not the executor of their estate.”

“Seriously ? Jeez, who repossess all the necromancer’s cthulhu trash then ?” 

“No one ?” Kravitz destroyed most of the necrotic tools and magical objects, but the rest he just left as is. 

“Hey !” Taako smacked Kravitz’s thigh causing him to nearly jump out of his human form. “When me and the Tres Horny Boys close up shop at the Bureau we can be your cleaning crew.”

“You mean loot and plunder from the area ?” 

“We’ll work out the kinks later.” Taako soon fell asleep.

Taako would discuss his connections to Merle and Magnus in snapshots and confusing quips. Some names Kravitz knew by connected stories, but most he was unable to put a face to. He remembered Carey and Killian from Lucas’s lab; but Johann the bard, who Taako kept promising to introduce him to, was just a name like many others. 

The training had also taken a toll on their usual outings. They were still meeting frequently, but their last few dates had all been in Taako’s room sitting and chatting. His profession kept him as busy as Kravitz, but unfortunately as a mortal he needed frequent sleep. 

The safe routine they had was finally interrupted by a run in with one of Taako’s work friends. 

Kravitz had entered Taako’s dormitory knowing that Magnus and Merle would be off base, running into a small human boy had not been part of the plan.

“Oh ! Hello incredibly tall sir.” The child couldn’t have been older than ten. His wand hung around his neck with a formal grey lanyard adorned with pins. 

“Hello, uh-,” Kravitz slipped into his accent and searched for the right words. He looked around the dormitory. Kravitz was sure he had teleported to the wrong dimension. “I believe I’m in the wrong place, my apologies. Be on your way and I’ll just-”

“No, you’re here to see Taako.” The child stood up and began nonchalantly collecting his books, but his eager and happy smile set sirens and bells went off in Kravitz’s mind. 

“You must be the person Taako’s been seeing. I’ve noticed he’s been more well rested, peculiarly cheerful, and the final proof was that his room has been cleaner. Now you appear mysteriously in his house. You don’t need to be the world’s greatest detective to piece together the facts; you’re the solution.” The boy seemed smug and self-assured. Had it been that obvious that he and Taako had been seeing each other ? 

“Very observant of you….” Kravitz stepped backwards as the talkative child neared him. In a moment he would be outed as a Reaper. This was a nightmare.

“I can’t believe how tall you are. I would have thought Taako wouldn’t like being shorter than someone else,” The boy had wide and incredibly round glasses that allowed Kravitz to see his own uncomfortable reflection. The boy seemed unperplexed and just stared at Kravitz inquisitively. “You seem human, but you’re so tall. “

Kravitz cleared his throat and adjusted his jacket. “Are you sure you’re a child ?” 

The boy hadn’t looked at him with fear or dread. While the scrutiny of the child’s questions was a tad unnerving, what was more ominous was the boys obliviousness. Kravitz immediately put distance between himself and the boy by extending his arm forward between him and the prying child. The boy immediately looked apologetic. 

“I’m sorry ! Oh sir, I hope I haven’t offended you. I’m just very excited to meet Taako’s friend. He doesn’t spend time with many other people.” The boy also had a mouth that wouldn’t quit. Kravitz was sure human children didn’t begin speaking till they were thirteen, right ? 

“Who are you, young man ?” Kravitz was growing more concerned as the conversation rolled on. Taako must have been familiar with the child in someway, but the idea of children and Taako didn’t meld in Kravitz’s mind.

“How rude of me ! Here’s my business card,” The boy produced a laminated white card and handed it to Kravitz’s shaking hands. “My name is Angus Mcdonald. I serve the Bureau of Balance in research and relic investigation. I’m also Taako’s unofficial apprentice. We’re very close.” 

“Wait, wait- You’re Taako’s what ?” Kravitz examined the professional business card and incredulously flipped it around. 

“He’s never mentioned me before ?” A shadow had come over Angus’s expression. 

In a perfect dramatic fashion Taako entered the dorm with bundles of groceries. 

“Guess what Ango ?” Taako obliviously was looking through the bags as he walked in. There were so many food goods that he resembled a mule packed with a pilgrim's provisions. “I’m taking life by the horns. Seize the day ! No more fear ! Taako’s gonna rush back into the kitchen-” He stops and dumbly stands in the middle of the room when he sees Kravitz and Angus.

“Oh shit.” Taako unceremoniously drops the bags to the floor. 

Angus begins to furiously point at Kravitz “I swear I didn’t mean to be nosey ! He’s the one breaking and entering this time--not me !” 

“Angus,” Taako grabs his temples. “Kiddo, you’re not in trouble-”

“Yeah ! Maybe this wouldn’t happen and I wouldn’t need to snoop if you didn’t sneak around like a thief in the night, sir !” Angus runs up to Taako and is grabbing at his shirt. Kravitz looks around the room, surely this must be an elaborate joke. 

Taako levitates Angus up and begins walking him to the door. “Yes, yes. I know I’m the most clever thief and wizard teacher in the universe. Sing my praises tomorrow, you little shrimp.” 

“That’s not what I said, sir !” Angus flails around and lets out an ‘oof’ when Taako deposits him outside. 

Taako shuts the door and spins around to face Kravitz again. “Well, guess you’ll just have to be the one who goes through Taako’s cooking nightmare.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you adopted a child ?” Kravitz can’t believe the irony that of all the people he fell for, it had to be one with an adopted child.

“Pfft, he’s not adopted. He’s like our bureau’s annoying class pet-”

“He’s your apprentice. You adopted a child.” 

Taako awkwardly laughs at him and begins to pick up the groceries. “I didn’t adopt him. He invaded my life.” Kravitz can feel the air of uncomfortability clamping down upon them.

Kravitz knew there was a level of irresponsibility to Taako. It came with the territory of working for such a dangerous organization. Yet, the realization that he doesn’t know very much about Taako shakes him. “Why didn’t you tell me you had taken an orphan-” 

“Because I didn’t !” Taako slams the groceries down again. “What’s up with you ?! I don’t ask you everything little thing about your life ! Lay off !” The sudden outburst makes the objects in the room rattle. 

Kravitz has never seen Taako legitimately angry. They’d both become enraptured for reasons they each didn’t wish to share. Kravitz realizes they’ve been talking nearly every night, but they’ve both enabled each other to avoid the inevitable. The impasse of their emotions is making the distance between them further as they both scrambled to understand, or forget.

Kravitz watches a puddle of food forming around Taako’s feet. He’’s standing like an angry toy soldier with his arms tightly against his sides. 

“You just broke all your eggs…..” Kravitz apologetically points to the yolk sticking to Taako’s legs. 

“Fuck you.” Taako’s face scrunches up and he crosses his arms. Kravitz can tell he’s trying his best to find a more scathing retort, but nothing comes to him. Taako finally just salvages what he can and stamps to the kitchen.

When Kravitz follows he hangs in the entrance way watching Taako bang frying pans around carelessly. “I’m not mad. I just wish you had told me about your apprentice.”

“I’m not mad either !” Taako grabs a bowl from the cabinet and slams it on the counter. 

“I’m rubbed the wrong way by unsupervised children; that’s all. To me when you have an apprentice it implies the adoption of the child. I’m sorry. This was a simple misunderstanding.” Kravitz leans against the entrance and sighs. He should have known life would come back to haunt him.

Taako stops his kitchen tantrum. His mask of anger slowly fades. He lets out a sigh as well and Kravitz realizes how tired he looks. 

“I’m not a parent.” Taako deadpans and stares straight ahead at the wall. “I didn’t adopt him. He’s not my problem. It’s not my fault no one on this shitty base thought about how crappy it is to hire a kid. He needed someone to keep him out of trouble and I guess I just picked the shortest straw.” Taako looks down at the stove and begins cooking again. 

Kravitz knows in an instant that Taako’s lying. “Looks like we both let ourselves read too far in-between the lines.” Kravitz slowly approaches Taako and rubs his shoulders. The need to deescalate the situation is precedent. He feels all the tension finally leave Taako.

Kravitz clears his throat. “Look, you and I can’t just keep hanging out together and not talking.” 

“We talk all the time, bone-head.” Taako tries to sound sarcastic, but it sounds tired to Kravitz.

“You know what I mean.” Kravitz tries not to worry about how cold his hands are as Taako leans back against him. “I promise to you, whatever you tell me I won’t judge. I must ensure the same is felt by you, through.” Kravitz leans down to Taako’s ear and nuzzles him. He whispers the last few words to Taako trying to create the air of security that will let them both open up. Taako begins to feel like dead weight as he leans further and further into Kravitz. 

Taako reaches up to wrap his arms around Kravitz and kiss him. His frustration is all but gone in the face of affection. “You’re lucky I’m such a pushover for you. I’m lovin’ the business talk combined with the hugs; good way to feed me with one hand and lead me with the other.” 

Taako starts unraveling himself from Kravitz and moving towards their living room. Kravitz sees the tell-tale signs of what will soon be them kissing on the couch. He grabs at Kravitz’s shirt and pulls him over; Taako doesn’t even make it to the couch before he’s holding onto Kravitz and trying to pull him down to a reachable height. 

“Taako, Taako-” Kravitz is being pulled into this deflection and a strong part of him just wants to let it all go and sink into the odd and needy touches of his wizard. “Taako, please.” Kravitz stops Taako and holds his shoulders as gingerly as possible. 

“You’re really up in arms about this, huh ?” Taako lets his arms fall to his sides and rolls his shoulders so that Kravitz’s hands a jostled off. “I’m sorry, man. He’s got no one on this base and I’d think you could suck it up if you hate him so much.”  
“What ? No, no-” Kravitz flails with his words. This game of deflections and careful avoidances had to end at some point. “Taako I am overjoyed that you took him under your wing. I’m just sensitive to the dangers you’re in. Taako, I worry about who will care for him if you perish.”  
Kravitz swallows and hears his throat audibly click. 

“The pest is light-years smarter than both of us combined; he’ll be fine.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about him ?” 

“I don’t know !” Taako gives him a look of exhaustion. “I didn’t think it was important. It’s not that big a deal.”

Kravitz sighs and invites Taako to follow him to their couch. Kravitz delicately holds Taako’s face and refuses to lose eye contact. 

“We both have complex affairs-”

“Yeah, no shit. When did you figure that one out, Angela Lansbury ?” 

“Let me finish,” Kravitz softly smiles and lets Taako steady himself while Kravitz holds his face. “Before all of this- before I was a reaper; I was an apprentice very much like the boy you’re taking care of.”

His life had begun to feel like a dream when Kravitz had willingly let it go. Sometimes he wondered if it was ever real to begin with. The risk of telling Taako even the smallest of details weighs heavily upon him. Yet, the safety provided by Taako’s proven secrecy makes him want to say more. 

“I had a difficult teacher,” Kravitz remembers the old man’s temper and constant absence. Long days spent in the wizard’s cottage waiting and hoping that the old man hadn’t tragically perished. “He frequently would leave me and I just feel odd seeing a child here of all places.”

Taako’s giving him his full attention. He looks almost uncomfortable now. “So you’re just worried about the kid because of stuff in the attic, huh ?” 

“No, no-” Kravitz had let all of his life go when the Raven Queen offered him a second chance. “It happened a long time ago. It’s just a story; I over-reacted ”

“It’s your story.” Taako shifts and hugs him. Kravitz never wants this to stop. “Look, uh- I uh- you got your stuff and I got mine. I goofed and completely let the Angus equation slip my mind. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. We all cool ?” 

“Are you okay too ?” Kravitz knows he wasn’t alone in having a reaction to this event.

“Yeah ?” Taako acts completely ignorant. “I’m fine ! Why wouldn’t I be okay ? You’re the one pulling out the child protective service corp on my ass.” 

“Taako, you can’t just backpedal like that.” Kravitz pushes as lightly as possible.

“Yeah ? Well whose pedaling this bike ?” Taako jumps up and snares Kravitz into a kiss. When did Taako make him so weak ? The intoxicating air of the kiss seals the deal on their conversation. 

Kravitz breaks away only for a moment to get one last clarification. “You need to start teaching that boy some common sense.” 

Taako throws his head back and laughs. “Yeah, I know right ? He’s Encyclopedia Brown but when death teleports into his house he acts like it’s a regular Tuesday evening. “

“So this is his house ?” Kravitz raises an eyebrow and Taako rolls his eyes before throwing himself in for another kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I'm so sorry I let this project go. I came to the realization That Griffin and Justin had given me the best ending for these two that I could have ever asked for. This whole fic was supposed to really only be three to four chapters. But, despite everything, I'm always deeply touched by how many people come back to this silly, messy, thing I wrote and tell me they enjoyed it. 
> 
> I wanted to place a final chapter on it. While this excerpt is not very long....I think it does tie everything up and lets the fanfiction feel like the proper amount of time before everything goes to hell in Wonderland and from there.

Taako never asked about Kravitz’s life before, and the reaper knew it wasn’t because his partner wasn’t curious. No, Kravitz knew that it was one part because he was afraid to push and another because it meant Taako would have to pay the price of explaining his own past. 

After the Angus debacle, they settled into working and meeting up for brief flings. Little tidbits of information came out, his friends remained ignorant, and the Raven Queen already knew. They had their small world and it made Kravitz feel real, tangible, no longer just a shadow of a person.  
In his old life he’d been a phantom even before death. Small town, musical master, neglectful teacher, port city, brief life, love for a master who couldn’t give a damn about his pupil, death of his teacher, bargaining, the chess game with Anubis the Reaper, and then only the Raven Queen and The Relic Wars. He’d only kept his name and nothing else. His first name at that, his last name belonged to a pair of people dead before he’d known them. His story was terribly common, and mythologically bland. 

But it hurt to unbury it. And it was a blessing Taako never asked. 

“Movie ? Dinner ? Dance ? Death ? You name it; I’m ready to go.” Taako called over the stone of farspeech. 

“More like: Necromancy, two accounts of hoarding false idols, cats, magazine publisher cult.” He and Taako’s last few dates had been over the phone. 

“Blah, one of these days I’ll just come with.” It was funny imagining all the motions Taako was making. 

“Yes, of course. You’ll confuse my prey and they’ll beg me to just take them to the Astral Plane.” 

“You wanna bet ?” Taako sounded dead serious. 

“No, since you beat me at every game we play.” Whether it was strip poker or Taako’s soul, the wagers were high and Taako always won. 

“Fine,” Taako elongated the word in exasperation. “Love you, talk soon. Go get, em.”

“Okay, bye.”

It wasn’t till after he hung up that Kravitz realized what he had missed in that conversation. The finality of it after he hung up didn’t catch up to him till The Day of Story and Song.


End file.
